God...

Something happened last week that left me thinking about God.  Actually at first, I was quite angry with God.  No use trying to hide because he already knew so I just kind of laid it out there in my prayer life.  Those thoughts and angry prayers persisted all week.  On Thursday God spoke to me in an experience.  My heart was downtrodden and I was physically not well, but I really wanted to go on a ropes course with some students at the school I have been interning at.  It was something I have been looking forward to for a couple of weeks.  

For hours I enjoyed watching the students problem solve and push themselves to different physical limits.  They were doing great and it was a joy to be there.  Then, our leader told us that the next activity was for the staff only.  Oh goody.  

So we walked up to two trees that were connected by a long plank 35 feet up in the air.  Really???  There were small metal planks dug into the tree that we were supposed to use to scale up the tree to the upper plank.  Then we would let go of the of the tree and balance across the plank and touch the other tree.  Once we touched that other tree, we walked back to the middle and "fell" backwards to the ground. Of course we were all clamped in and belayed up and back down but do you know how high 35 feet is?  Have I mentioned I'm terribly afraid of heights? Ha.

Well I had the pressure of 30 teenagers on my back.  Teenagers who had been testing their limits all morning.  Teenagers who really wanted to see us be successful.  The least I could do was try right?  Not sure why I felt like I was going to throw up then...

So I started to climb slowly.  And God met me there.  Each time I firmly planted my foot in one of those metal planks, I steadied myself and I heard God telling me..."This is how you get through the tough things in life.  One small step at a time."  It was a slow climb I assure you. Then I got 35 feet up and nearly panicked.  I had to let go of the security of that ol' tree and balance myself on that plank.  Did I really have to let go?  Then I looked at those students sitting  down watching.  They were nervous for me, but they were also hopeful. Then, this verse bombarded my brain.  "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us" Hebrews 12:1.  At the time, I didn't realize the significance of that verse, but it gave me the courage to walk across that plank to the other side. 

Next came the hardest part, I had to let myself fall off that plank to the ground.  I had to trust. To be honest, in my personal life, I logically I knew everything would be fine in the end, but at that moment I didn't feel like "trust" was something I could do.  I sat there a moment and pondered the situation.  I really want to get back on the ground because my legs are shaking tremendously in fear, but could I really trust God for my next steps in life?  Could I trust Him to take care of me and my family?  I trusted the man that was belaying me, but at that moment it was just me and God.  Could I trust Him?  I closed my eyes and fell back.  

I walked off of the ropes course with more peace in my heart even though I didn't fully understand the propensity of what had just happened.  Honestly, I still don't.  I don't like what happened and I'm still angry with God over it, but I do know with certainty that God does love me and he wants me to run wholeheartedly the race that he has marked for me.  I can't give up.  Even more, I realize I need Him. 

AND I MUST FANCY THE REASON WHY YOU COME HERE!

Here is a recent picture of our little guy.  He has developed quite the sense of humor and we have been enjoying him tremendously.